Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
