I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
