dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
