I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In America we eat man semen.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
