Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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