he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
