So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
