its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
