Do vagina's smell?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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