I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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