stop calling my apartment porn island.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
