I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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