planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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