i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
