That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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