im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
