we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
