Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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