I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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