You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
