shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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