You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
