So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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