rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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