I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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