I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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