I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
