he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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