You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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