I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
