Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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