i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
