Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
