just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
