how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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