I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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