Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize