Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
