my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
