All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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