I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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