I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
