Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
