I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
