I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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