He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
