Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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