Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
