why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
