He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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