i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
