Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
