I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
