Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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