My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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