It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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