Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
