Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's never too late to be topless.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
