Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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