OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
