sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
