So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
