I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
