I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
