Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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